Sunday, February 3, 2013

Metaphysical Fitness

Metaphysical Fitness
Hi everyone! And welcome to Metaphysical Fitness, training for your brain! We're going to start our workout with some deep mind bends. Are you ready? One...two...three... What came first? The chicken or the egg? If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? What if our universe were just a grain of sand in someone else's universe? Why do bad things happen to good people? What is the meaning of life? And stop. Okay. Time to check your blood pressure by placing your index finger on your neck. Anything under twenty-five beats per ten second interim is within the normal range after a workout of this intensity.

Is it safe to continue? All right then, let's try some smarten ups. First we'll weigh ourselves down with an complex intellectual question. Do thoughts originate in the brain or in the mind? Some philosophers argue that since thoughts are non physical, they must have a non physical origin. This arrangement would relegate the brain to a secondary role in thought production. Each of us lives in an abstract world of our own construction, without which there would be little to live for but the dull passing of time. We may be confusing the physical world around us with the abstract world which produces it. Furthermore, the possibility of this abstract world opens the door to the possibility of immortality. Now, if you can comprehend all that, can you still remember your phone number? Let's hear it! Good! Good! No shortage of theoretical brain cells in this group!

Moving on to verbal gymnastics, we'll start with Hegelian somersaults. Are you ready? Thesis - Synthesis - Antithesis! Antithesis - Synthesis - Thesis! Thesis - Synthesis - Antithesis! Notice how the mid-section synthesis stayed in position. I'd give that at least a 9.5. We'll follow that up with a Descartes tumble: I think therefore I am. I'm not so sure about you. I think therefore I am. Very good everyone! Let's end our routine with a Spinozan vault. Better spit on your hands and rub them together first. Okay. Ready? Go! Peculiarity - Existence - God's existence - God's peculiarity - GOD IS EVERYTHING! - God's peculiarity - God's existence - Existence - Peculiarity. And try to land on your feet without falling forward. Excellent.
  
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